What Is Your Most Regular Waking Thought?
My birthday was last month. Thirty five. I view the beginning of a new age as my "new year" instead of January 1. Reflection has always been a big part of my life. I find so much joy in noticing growth. The past few years, I've been using the Desire Map to hone in on what I want to create as I walk into a fresh year. In this workbook, the intent is to cultivate how you want to feel in your life before you set your goals, as most goals are usually made because we think we will feel a certain way once we achieve them. Maybe we want a new job because it will make us feel powerful or we want to relocate because we will feel adventurous or save a certain amount of money because it will make us feel safe.
There are several pages of reflection-based questions as you lead up to choosing your feelings. Questions like What do you crave? and Where do you find joy? and What moves and touches you deeply? The one that really got my mind churning though was What is your most regular waking thought? Slightly mortified by my answer, I realized that I spend an embarrassing amount of time worrying. Finances, what-if scenarios, logistics. Much of my brain space is occupied by things that will probably never happen and situations that are far beyond my control, thus begging the question of why I allow this circus to take shape on a daily basis.
In meditation, and even in the physical practice of yoga, we become very intimate with our thoughts. The stillness and quiet are what allow for noticing. Becoming familiar with which thoughts are on heavy rotation and the manner in which we speak to ourselves gives us the power to create change and lessens the hold that the thoughts may have on us. In the yoga class I took this weekend, when in Warrior 2, the instructor said: embody the mind of the warrior, not the worrier. And it's advice that I took to heart, knowing my thoughts can run through treacherous territory when left to their own devices. But it takes choosing. It takes awareness. It takes consciousness. It takes knowing how you want to feel and understanding what you need to do to feel that way. But most importantly, it takes showing up and doing the work as you poke and prod at the hardened beliefs in your mind. I've always loved that the practice of yoga is referred to as a practice. We are practicing for life, practicing our responses, practicing in order to make progress.
